Mrs T’s Southern Stuffed Ham

[dropcap style=”font-size:100px; color:#992211;”]T[/dropcap]here sure as hell seems to be a whole mess of mixed feelings over the death of ex Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in the UK.

Well I guess things are a little different here on the other side of the pond so it’s probably best we don’t get into it with y’all, hell we got our own problems.

[quote]I will be

thinking of Maggie

when I next

have a big

ol’ lick[/quote]

What I do know is that little ol’ gal was responsible for helping in developing Soft Serve Ice Cream when she worked as a food scientist. Y’all know I love a cold mouthful of fluffy soft serve and I will be thinking of Maggie when I next have a big ol’ lick. I also know that Mrs T just loved to cook and would whip up a tasty meal for her beloved husband every evening and often cooked for cabinet ministers. That I applaud.

Now, I ain’t gonna be pulled in to a political debate here. Lawd knows it’s caused enough talk in the Burrows household over the past week or so. Y’all can argue amongst yourselves there, the spittoon is over in the corner, you hear?

What I am gonna do is give y’all an idea for tasty meal that will hopefully gather your family together around the table on Wednesday. Y’all can ponder on the short time you are here on this world, how blessed you are to be alive, the decisions you and your loved ones make in this life (right or wrong) and why we all need forgiveness at some point.

Tell ya what, I’m gonna let y’all reflect on Mrs T’s funeral with a delicious Stuffed Ham.

Now the history of this here Stuffed Ham dates back to the early 17th-century. Grand Pappy says the slaves working on the plantations created this recipe. When the plantation owner tasted the tasty blend of pork and greens, this stuffed ham found its place on the master’s dining table and became a traditional Easter dish.

Some things are best served cold. Cold and stuffed in this case.

INGREDIENTS

7-10 lb. Ham (y’all use bone-in ham for that authentic Southern taste)
1 head cabbage
2 lbs. kale
1 lb. onions
1 bunch scallions (Spring Onions to you Brits)
1 tbsp. red pepper
2 tbsp. mustard seed
2 tbsp. celery seed
1 tsp. Tabasco sauce
3 tsp. ground red pepper
2 1/2 tbsp. salt
Y’all need some cheesecloth or similar too.

Here’s how to make it

Now y’all gonna need to fine chop your onions and greens so limber up those fingers. When you’ve done, go right ahead and mix in all of the other seasonings. I like to rub them all in together in a bowl.
With a sharp knife, cut good 2inch slits (pockets) on 45degree angles in the ham. Be careful not to slip or there could be a nasty Hari Kari on the kitchen floor. Now press that seasoned stuffing into the slits until they will hold no more.

Stuff those slits good and proper.

Put your ham in the cheesecloth; smother with the leftover stuffing.
Now y’all tie that thing up good now.

Put that big ol’ ham in large pot and cover with water. Bring that sexy thing to a steady simmer for around 20 minutes per pound, or if you are tetchy like Mrs Thatcher, till the internal temperature reaches 160°. Go ahead and turn off heat.

Let that ham just cool in the water (about 2 hours).
When it’s cooled, remove it and drain.

Chill in refrigerator overnight, in its cloth.
Carve the ham in thin slices, exposing the green veining. Serve cold with vegetables of your choice (I suggest boiled baby potatoes and a corn cob smothered with butter).

To finish, I suggest you simply treat yourselves to some Soft Serve Ice Cream. It’s Mr Whippy over there, right?  Enjoy the pleasure of a lick, and as you battle the brain freeze, remember who helped develop it.
Col. Jon

Col. Jon Burrows

Col. Jon Burrows. Conceived in the ghettos on the outskirts of Memphis. Hailed as the new face of the hood. Haikus to him can be found on underpasses, large rocks at public parks and the occasional idling limo.
Nearly all of the words he writes are spelled correctly, occasionally managing to format a page with a paragraph break. He once drove a tank and lives solely in hotel and hospital suites covering the windows in tin foil.
His epic autobiography, ‘Fuck You Buddy’, will hopefully one day be published, if someone in the literary world can decipher its sophisticated and convoluted message.